Today I started a personal journal and when I wrote these ten words “I am tired of doing and just want to be,” they brought tears to my eyes and I knew I need to figure this out. See, I am a doer, a “Martha’, and I desire to be a being, a “Mary”. I desire to figure out how to sit at the feet of Jesus and become more like Him, instead of always being busy doing the “stuff of life.” My problem is that I truly don’t know how. I am a wife, a hospice chaplain an ordained minister in the Free Methodist Church, a home owner, etc., and all of these things demand attention. In all reality, I realize I have the option of stopping all of these things, but I don’t think that is what God requires of me right now. I would love not to work and to spend time at the feet of those who have this “being” thing figured out. I would love to take three months off and go to the beach in order to walk, to journal, to sit at the feet of Jesus, but I don’t know how to do that when there are bills to pay.
The truly amazing thing is that I love what God has called me to do at this season of my life. I frequently say that I cannot believe that God has brought me to this wonderful ministry where I am invited in to such sacred spaces with others. Yesterday was such an incredible day in the life of a hospice chaplain. I sat with a spouse who shared how tired they are in the caregiving process. I sat in the kitchen with a husband a wife and we sang hymns and had church together. I also sat with an individual who had tears streaming down their face as they wondered out loud why they are still here, confined to a bed, only being able to look outdoors and see the pond and the ducks; the time was so precious and so real and I truly value the trust that was given to me in our time and space together.
Therefore, I need to figure this being thing out where I learn to listen to myself as well as I listen to others, where I learn to invest in myself as well as I invest in the lives of others. I need to figure this out so I can continue to be a vessel that brings honor and glory to God’s name.
Will you pray for me as I learn to stop and smell the roses?