I Am Tired Of Doing and Just Want To Be

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Today I started a personal journal and when I wrote these ten words “I am tired of doing and just want to be,” they brought tears to my eyes and I knew I need to figure this out. See, I am a doer, a “Martha’, and I desire to be a being, a “Mary”. I desire to figure out how to sit at the feet of Jesus and become more like Him, instead of always being busy doing the “stuff of life.” My problem is that I truly don’t know how. I am a wife, a hospice chaplain an ordained minister in the Free Methodist Church, a home owner, etc., and all of these things demand attention. In all reality, I realize I have the option of stopping all of these things, but I don’t think that is what God requires of me right now. I would love not to work and to spend time at the feet of those who have this “being” thing figured out. I would love to take three months off and go to the beach in order to walk, to journal, to sit at the feet of Jesus, but I don’t know how to do that when there are bills to pay.

The truly amazing thing is that I love what God has called me to do at this season of my life. I frequently say that I cannot believe that God has brought me to this wonderful ministry where I am invited in to such sacred spaces with others. Yesterday was such an incredible day in the life of a hospice chaplain. I sat with a spouse who shared how tired they are in the caregiving process. I sat in the kitchen with a husband a wife and we sang hymns and had church together. I also sat with an individual who had tears streaming down their face as they wondered out loud why they are still here, confined to a bed, only being able to look outdoors and see the pond and the ducks; the time was so precious and so real and I truly value the trust that was given to me in our time and space together.

Therefore, I need to figure this being thing out where I learn to listen to myself as well as I listen to others, where I learn to invest in myself as well as I invest in the lives of others. I need to figure this out so I can continue to be a vessel that brings honor and glory to God’s name.

Will you pray for me as I learn to stop and smell the roses?
Shalom

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About gemmygem2013

I am a hospice chaplain, wife of 30 years and a woman with a heart for hope and healing and hospitality. The word "Bikos" is a Greek word which means Earthen Vessel. My life prayer has been "Make me a vessel that brings honor and glory to Your name." This is taken from the scripture verse that talks about becoming a vessel of honor 2 Timothy 2:20; "Now in a large house there are not only gold and silver vessels, but also vessels of wood and of earthenware, and some to honor and some to dishonor." As a human, I see myself as a vessel seeking to bring honor to God through all that I say and all that I do. Sometimes that vessel is solid and strong, bringing honor and glory to God's name, and sometimes that vessel is cracked, in need of repair. As a hospice chaplain, I see the individuals and families that I work with as vessels of God, seeking either to be healed or seeking to bring healing to the world around them. Either way, we are all vessels of God, The Divine One, The God of Relationships. It is my belief that we are all seeking how to live in relationship with ourselves, with others, and with God. Some are further along on this path than others. This blog will be about myself as I learn what it means to become a vessel of honor and glory, about my life as a hospice chaplain, and the struggles I deal with in the day to day journey walking with others in hospice and in life. Blessings and Shalom
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